It's Official Girls Think Funny
by LovinLife4ever
Summary: Troypay oneshot. Doesn't the title just say it all? Watch as Troy Bolton gets an insight into the female world from none other than Sharpay Evans. And Troy is getting sort of confused.


**Okay... I finally found out what I loooooooove so much about Troypay, I'm not a very big HSM fan, but I just love Troypay (I know, weird right?) Well, I found out that I love them so much because they always have the best conversations, because they're both so full of themselves. Plus Sharpay can really be anyone you want to be, Gabriella is pretty monotone (you have to admit it) and they have that whole 'forbidden but of so right' thing going for them, all adding up to create Troypay. I am so weird. So I went 'I sooooooooo have to write a TRoypay conversation, because they are the best, so here I am at 2:30 am, hyped on coffee, posting a Troypay on fanfiction.  
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** Check it, I have a dedication: This one is for Mr.C (you know who you are) You know I was joking about the whole suspicions thing... hope you don't mind I posted this inside joke on the internet. And if you ever do read this, I'm sorry I made fun of you for joining that Carrie Underwood fan sight. I'll stop now so you can go make out with Cara. (For those of you trying to follow along, don't bother, so many inside jokes, so little time)  
**

I walked inside the Evans' mansion. It was always so quiet in there, it was kind of spooky. "Good day Mr. Bolton." Robert (their butler… he was from England too… I know, how weird and yet so insanely cool is that?) said in his British accent.

"Hey." I said. "Is Ryan home?" I asked.

"Not at the moment." Robert said. "He will be though, any moment, would you mind waiting in the den."

"No." I said, shaking my head.

"Very well then, shall I show you to the den?" He asked.

"No thanks, I can make it there myself." I said. I walked over to a seat and slouched down.

It had been two months since I'd been on a successful date, ever since Gabriella dumped me and dubbed me 'unable to commit to a serious relationship'. I mean, sorry I'd rather take an extra course in creative writing, there for investing in my future, rather than taking pottery classes with her. But I still sort of missed her (in a very twisted way) it wasn't like I was going to climb up on her balcony and beg for her forgiveness or something like that anytime soon. In fact, if I ever did plan on doing something as stupid as that, I'm pretty sure that there would be a semi large-ish chance that some other guy would be there 'comforting her in her time of need'. It wasn't like I missed her as a person, it was more like I missed the security of having someone there. Since Chad isn't really the kind of guy you'd want to talk to about this kind of stuff, I only had Ryan to turn to. He was pretty cool, I mean, ever since he joined the baseball team and spent less time with Sharpay, he really turned into one of the guys… only he smelled a little better than the rest of us. Not to say that Sharpay was that horrible or anything, just brutally honest and slightly bitter on occasion, she still didn't see the point in befriending any of us… including me.

Not that I cared… that much.

I sat in silence for what seemed like forever. And then I heard footsteps. "Oh, thank god you're here man… we need to talk."

"Okay, I don't even want to try to interpret what you meant by that." I heard a softer, but still just as intimidating voice.

I sat up straight. "Oh, hi Sharpay… I, um… forgot you lived here."

Sharpay laughed. "Oh come on, you could've thought of something better than that. Though I have no intentions of making what you and my brother do alone in his room my business."

"I think you have the wrong impression." I said, trying to put it the best way possible. **(A/N Just to clarify, I am not homophobic in any way at all)**

Sharpay shrugged, not looking up. "I wouldn't be so sure. You always seem to smell acceptable, you comb your hair to a certain extent, and you've never spent more than five seconds at a time staring at my boobs."

I didn't comment on that last thing, I figured that she would find a way to either make me seem either more gay or more perverted if I did. "So what are you doing?"

Sharpay jumped onto the couch across from my chair, and opened up a book… one of those romance novels that Chad's mom reads. "I live here, remember?"

Silence… not very fun when you're stuck in a big room with a girl who thinks you're gay. I started looking at the cover of her book… some guy with a half buttoned shirt kissing down some red head chick's neck. "You know stuff like that doesn't happen… right?"

"What are you talking about?" Sharpay asked, still not looking up.

"Whatever you're reading in that dumb book… whatever it is, life is never that perfect." I said… solely for the purpose of conversation, and that just happened to be on my mind at the moment.

Sharpay closed her book. "Okay… it's official, you need help… or more specifically, my help." She sat up.

"Huh?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh please, you're pathetic enough without trying to sound like you're okay." Sharpay said, moving over on the couch, presumably to make room for me.

"Okay, I'm serious now, there is nothing wrong with me." I said. "And funny thing really, most people actually have the courtesy to ask me if I'm okay rather that telling me that I'm not."

"That's because if I asked you if you were okay, you would say yes… which a know you aren't." Sharpay crossed her arms stubbornly. "Now do you want my help or not?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, that's some real intricate logic you have there, I don't stare at your boobs so I need help right?"

"See, that's exactly why you need my help! I know that you're all broken up about because first of all, you haven't taken that picture you have of her out of your locker, your grades significantly improved, you hum that stupid karaoke song as you walk down he halls-"

"Start of something new." I corrected.

"Right… whatever. And you also keep a tape of last year's musicale and watch it during free period every other day… the whole boobs thing is just a bonus." Sharpay finished.

"How do you know all that stuff?" I asked.

"The things you learn when you live two lockers down from your brother's best friend. Now do you want my help or not?" She asked impatiently.

"Will you stop bugging me about this whole thing if I say yes?" I asked.

"I can't make any promises, but the odds are that after you leave my house I will no longer have an desire whatsoever to talk to you." She said, looking down at her nails.

"Fair enough." I said, moving reluctantly to the couch, I turned so I was facing her. "So tell me, exactly what am I doing wrong?"

It was supposed to sound sarcastic, but either she didn't notice or she didn't care. "First of all, you suck at getting girls gifts. That 'T' necklace? What? Did you get it from those gum ball machines outside the Jewel?"

"Hey Gabriella said that she liked it!" I said loudly.

"Well, it's not like she had much of a choice, she had to because she couldn't tell you that giving her a necklace with a T on it was like you were branding her, which puts you in her head as the insecure boyfriend who has to put his name on her just so people would know that she was his property."

"I never thought of Gabriella as property!" I snapped.

"Yeah, but does she know that?" Sharpay asked.

I paused… wow… in some strange way, that actually made sense. "Do all girls think of ways to poke holes in stuff like that? Or just you?"

"All girls." She said, nodding. "Never put your name on something unless her name is on it too. Most girls look for ways to poke holes in their guys so that if they can either prepare for heartbreak when their boyfriend says it's over… or they can justify themselves when they decide to end things."

"What about you?" I asked, not really knowing what I was doing.

"What?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Um… well, you said, _most_ girls think like that… what about you?" I asked hesitantly. I mean, awkward much? Seriously, we were here discussing my ex girlfriend, and all of a sudden I was asking her about how she goes into a relationship.

"I'm pretty straight forward… I'm pretty sure I can accurately scope out any person within a few minutes of meeting them." She said. "So I really don't have anything to worry about. You on the other hand…"

"What? Do I really come off as that pathetic?" I asked, with a small laugh.

"I wouldn't say pathetic… more like… you over use the sad puppy factor." She said.

I couldn't help but smile at that. "What was that? Did the ice queen just try to make something sound sweeter? Just for me?" I asked.

Sharpay smiled back. "Well… for the record, I only did it so you wouldn't go all sad puppy on me." She looked so different from how she usually did at that moment, it was like she actually… I don't know… opened up. And she was… blushing?

Can you say awkward silence?

Sharpay looked down. "So… let's see, what else did you do wrong?" She pushed a stray hair behind her ear. "Oh! From what I've heard, you kind of suck at giving gifts."

"So untrue! The last gift I gave Gabriella was a gold bracelet with the lyrics to breaking free engraved into it." I said with a huge smile, I was proud of that gift, it was practically flawless. "Try poking a hole in that one."

"Oh please, according to Gabriella, it was basically the same thing Chad gave to Taylor only hers had the lyrics to you are the music in me engraved into it." I said.

"It so wasn't like that! Well… Chad and I may have gone shopping for anniversary gifts at the same time… at the same place."

"Exactly." Sharpay said. "Girls want something that they can make their friends jealous with, not something that will make their friends go 'oh, that's kind of cool, but I got on just like that from my boyfriend only with my birth stone put into it.'"

"Hey! In my defense, the one with the birth stones cost like, fifty bucks more." I said, deciding that it was officially pointless to try to lie now. "Why do girls have to be about everything?"

"Not all girls… just the ones you pick." Sharpay said, returning to her sarcastic self.

"Oh please… they weren't all _that_ bad… were they?" I asked, thinking back.

"Kelly Carter, eighth grade, dumped you because your hair colors clashed. Daisy Richardson, tenth grade, left you because you didn't want to go to the Halloween dance as GI Joe and Barbie. Hailey Jackson, also tenth grade, dumped you because you didn't ;et her watch Sixteen Candles on your birthday. Gabriella Montez, eleventh through twelfth Grade, dumped you because you didn't want to take candle making class with her-"

"Actually, it was pottery."

"Huh?"

"She dumped me because I wouldn't take pottery classes with her." I said. Now that I thought of it… it was kind of sad.

"Whatever, either way, Gabriella dumped you and ended up with bad home decorating products." Sharpay said.

"True." I said with a nod. "So… what else am I doing wrong?"

"Not much actually, I mean, you have good intentions, you just don't pick the right girls." Sharpay smiled. Was she… flirting? It kind of scared me, I mean, she wasn't really the flirting type… more like the roll-her-eyes-at-you-if-you-make-the-mistake-of-smiling-at-her type.

"So what exactly are you saying?" I asked.

Sharpay shrugged. "Maybe you need someone who doesn't sweat the details… someone more fun."

"Any suggestions?" I asked. Okay, I was officially flirting, but in a way, it was nice… scratch that… more than nice.

"I can't teach you everything, you know, I can't b your love life puppeteer forever you know." Sharpay smiled.

"Well then maybe you wouldn't mind staying in it just a little bit longer."

Sharpay looked at me with this look on her face… like she was about to laugh and about to kiss me all at the same time. Luckily she went with the second one. Eventually, it ended… with a rude interruption. "Robert said you were here for me… apparently he was wrong."

Sharpay pulled away. "Hey Ryan."

"Well, I have a math test to study for, so if Troy wants to come with, then I'll be in my room." Ryan said, leaving.

Sharpay and I looked at each other… I was still trying to scope out what was going on. "I'm gong to go study with Ryan." I said, standing up.

"Sounding kind of eager there aren't you?" Sharpay asked.

I looked down at her. Her usual cruel and sarcastic smile seemed so much softer all of a sudden. "Oh no, don't tell me you _still_ think I'm gay… not after that."

Sharpay's smile grew. "You do know that in order to prove that you are, in fact, straight, I'm going to have to repeat that experiment in order make sure that those results are accurate… that is, if you don't mind."

I smiled back at her, because she and I both knew that I didn't mind at all.

**Okay, I'm satisfied with my Troypay craving. I just love Troypay conversations, they're so much fun. If you got all the way through this thank you for putting up with my strange sense of humor and attempt at using a guy's perspective. I hope you liked oO**

** Note to readers of my other stories (assuming I have readers...): I'm sorry that I'm not updating as often as I used to. My friends and I are going through some serious crap at school. I don't want to go into all the details but god I wish I had a blog... there is so much I need to vent... right now one of my best friends is the victim of a serious crime... and I have to be there for her so I don't have that much time lately. And on top of that, her boyfriend (who she loved) cheated on her with three other girls... and then committed suicide. She was dizzy all through the day before yesterday and she missed school yesterday... I'm really worried. We've kind of been out of touch because she's been sort of isolated, but I'm pumping her sister for information. I really can't tell anyone about it because the entire school always tries to get the dirt on us because we don't like to shop at Hollister or listen to pop music. And this girl keeps on walking up to me and tells me that I should stop talking to the people that I hang out with because they're all emo wrist slitters who will never have anybody who cares about them. Even though they're really the best friends I've ever had... I know this sounds like something I'd be posting instead of something that is actually happening. But I'm seriously not lying... Sorry for going all insane blogger on you guys just then... I'll spare you guys the sob story... just go back to happy Troypay thoughts : ) I've got to get to bed.  
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